What does a star tell you?  Exactly nothing.  So when you read a movie review and you see it awarded four stars out of five, you are left without some very important information you need to make your viewing decision.  What if you get to the theatre (or back from the video store) plop down with a $6.00 soda and $8.00 popcorn (or $1.00 beer and cold pizza) only to discover after watching half the movie that it is, in fact, a four star chick flick?  That totally sucks.  If you happen to be watching the movie with your girlfriend, the night might not be totally lost, but if you're going solo soldier, you're going to be bummed.

Here at MadKarter.com, we want to help you avoid this scenario.  That's why we've devised our own ingenious rating system (patent pending).  Because let's face it, not only do you need to know if a movie is good or not, you also need to know who it's good for.  So pay attention and you'll never find yourself accidentally hip deep in a chick flick again.

	Man Movies "Man movies" typically display at least some of the following characteristics: Girls in bikinis, naked girls, girls in tight shorts, girls in tight tops, stuff blowing up, arms flying off, tough guy kicking someone's ass, guns, fast cars, sports, chases, kung fu, fart jokes, boob jokes, ass jokes, penis jokes and other sorts of coarse humor.  If a movie doesn't have any of these things, it's a romantic comedy which by definition makes it a chick flick and something to be avoided at all costs.  When we review a movie, and it turns out to be a man movie, we rate it on the "Big Ass Trucks" scale.  Because we all know, nothing says "manly" (or tiny penis) like a big ass truck.  When you see a MadKarter movie review with a four big ass trucks rating, you know it's going to be excellent.
	Crossover Movies Once in a very rare while, we'll find a movie that is relatively gender neutral.  These are the bisexuals of the movie world because they go both ways.  Usually, these will be comedies, dramas or on rare occasion an action flick where no arms or heads fly off, blood doesn't shoot all over the screen and explosions are of the quiet, off in the distance sort.  When we find a movie like this, we judge it on the Teletubby scale because nothing is as gender neutral as a teletubby.  Just like you, we have no idea what the hell a teletubby is.  But when you see the Teletubby rating, you know this is a safe date movie.  She won't be disgusted or pissed off and the rest of your date will go much smoother.
	Chick Flicks Nothing can ruin the taste of a good beer faster than a chick flick.  Movie marketers understand that they have to be very careful when advertising chick flicks because if you figure it out beforehand, you'll avoid it like a colonoscopy.  So here's a few pointers: If it's labeled as a "romantic comedy" it's a chick flick.  If four of the five main characters are female, it's a chick flick.  If it has Cher in it, it's a chick flick.  We understand the nefarious techniques used by the evil marketing bastards who try and trick us into seeing these movies and we're here to protect you.  So if we accidentally watch a chick flick, we'll rate it on our "Pink Panty" scale so you don't make the same mistake we did.
	Really Crappy Movies It doesn't matter if a movie is a man movie, a chick flick or a crossover if the movie is really, really horrible.  We don't like watching bad movies anymore than you do and if we had our choice, we'd never have the "opportunity" to review them.  But sometimes (sh)it happens. The good news is that our suffering is to your benefit because we have a very special scale reserved for really bad movies.  These gems will be rated on the "Stinky Turd" scale.  Now pay close attention here, this is important. The stinky turd scale is the only scale in our lineup in which more is worse.  A movie that gets one stinky turd, is bad.  A movie that gets four stinky turds is almost unbearably awful.  Just don't say we've never taken one for the team.

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